Lawson asked me if I was wearing a bow in my hair because Addie wore bows? I looked at him with a grin and said “maybe…”
This week is Adeline’s birthday week. The week when parents plan a first birthday party, order a cute smash cake, and capture what it’s like for their baby to taste real sugar for the first time. As I think about Adeline’s first birthday I can’t help be broken by the fact that I don’t get to experience life with her. Lately I’ve caught myself crying at stoplights because I look in the empty backseat and it’s just reminds that my baby isn’t here. There is an emptiness that always is with me.
Last year a few days before Adeline was born I was reading in a devotional from New Morning Mercies about John 6 when Jesus feed the crowd.
When they found him on the other side of the sea, they said to him, “Rabbi, when did you come here?” Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal.” Then they said to him, “What must we do, to be doing the works of God?Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.” So they said to him, “Then what sign do you do, that we may see and believe you? What work do you perform? Our fathers ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’” Jesus then said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” They said to him, “Sir, give us this bread always.”
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst. But I said to you that you have seen me and yet do not believe. All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.”
So the Jews grumbled about him, because he said, “I am the bread that came down from heaven.” They said, “Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How does he now say, ‘I have come down from heaven’?” Jesus answered them, “Do not grumble among yourselves. No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day. It is written in the Prophets, ‘And they will all be taught by God.’ Everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to me— not that anyone has seen the Father except he who is from God; he has seen the Father. Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.”
Jesus just provided food for the crowd with just some bread and fish and then hid from the crowd. The crowd was so amazed by Jesus’ power to perform a miracle because of his ability to provide for them physically, yet they were confused why he was hiding from them.
I love how Paul David Tripp describes Jesus’ reaction to the crowd by saying “I came to earth not just to be your physical provider, but to meet your deepest spiritual needs. Every good physical thing I give you is meant to point you to the spiritual provision that you need and that I will make for you in my life, death, and resurrection”
I think a lot of times we are like the crowd, wanting what God can give us… health, rest, a perfect family. I know for me I wanted Adeline to be physically healed so we could do life with her. Adeline gave us so much joy in the season that we had her here. She would look at you with her big cow eyes and you could tell that she just wanted to take everything in whether it was a new song or a new face. She has taught us so much, but the biggest thing is that temporary pleasures of this world are meant to point you to Christ.
My favorite verses that I feel reflects Adeline’s life comes from 1 Peter 4, “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed”
I truly believe that Adeline’s life was to bring glory to God and my prayer would be that when people think of our little girl that they would be pointed to Jesus.