The day after our appointment I had to work. We hadn’t yet broke the news to everyone because we were still trying to process it ourselves. I was doing my best to hold it together, but then I had to check in a patient that had a similar medical history of things that could be affecting our Adeline. And I lost it.
I feel like in this world it’s so hard to admit that we are broken people. Everywhere you look people are posting about their beautiful healthy kids, wonderful family, and documenting the joys of pregnancy. No one wants to hear what’s truly going on inside. But the truth is this world is broken! Genetic mutations and death are not natural. That’s not how God designed us to be, but because sin is in this world it has messed up everything.
“Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sin”– Romans 5:12
One of the hardest things that I experienced in being pregnant was this awareness of the brokenness. I wanted to be happy and celebrate Adeline, but it was hard not knowing if she was going to make it or what her life would look like if she did. I remember talking to my friend Kari, who had been down a similar road with her baby Mary Anna. She was like “Katie, you and Lawson need to have hope in Adeline. It doesn’t matter what other people say, she needs to feel your love and part of that is celebrating her. Don’t stop believing in her!”
The end of April, Lawson and I made a trip to the beach to visit Lawson’s grandparents and to clear our minds. I remember watching the sunset and thinking I wanted to buy Adeline a white dress and watch her see the ocean for the first time. No matter what was to come, God chose us to be Adeline’s parents and we would fight for her and celebrate her even in the littlest things like a new dress.